I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
