You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
