I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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"Without an arrest record" is reasonable, "without stripper glitter" is not. You should also include "without an STD" and "without a new set of child-support payments."
Your first request was the only reasonable one.
Strippers in clubs don't wear glitter, so unless he hits up a burlesque show, you're okay for coming home glitter free.
He's gunna take a shower and get his clothes dry cleaned before he comes home; so you'll probably never know...
I think the only reasonable part of this might be coming home alive.
Nola is the best place for a this occasion!
I think you should lower your expectations to not come home with an STD or have a need for a paternity test!