Apparently you make a good broom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cannot find my penis.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
