So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
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How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.