oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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