you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him