Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.