You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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