Texts From Last Night

trispassin's Favorites Texts:

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"

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  (250): He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too" http://tfl.nu/d99r
  Replies (1) Good night (1274) Bad night (219)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.

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  (270): I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right? (1-270): It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking. http://tfl.nu/u0kh
  Replies (5) Good night (1447) Bad night (244)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.

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  (406): Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever. (1-406): Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible. http://tfl.nu/2r6p
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (299)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.

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  (202): To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned. http://tfl.nu/z20l
  Replies (20) Good night (560) Bad night (2084)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (257) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  since 2006

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  (207): someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship? (1-207): since 2006 http://tfl.nu/9t6c
  Replies (7) Good night (2082) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad

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  (302): Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad http://tfl.nu/cr01
  Replies (6) Good night (1638) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.

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  (901): This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/m2hu
  Replies (11) Good night (3185) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.

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  (985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed. http://tfl.nu/6hgc
  Replies (6) Good night (1018) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.

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  (330): I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong. http://tfl.nu/hqmh
  Replies (3) Good night (1041) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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  (720): We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ctwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.

  (818): View more from California

  That was one of the best texts I got today

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  (760): Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner. (818): That was one of the best texts I got today http://tfl.nu/vb5p
  Replies (7) Good night (1579) Bad night (256)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.

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  (701): Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day. http://tfl.nu/rivr
  Replies (9) Good night (1553) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden

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  (201): we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden http://tfl.nu/jtve
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

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  (516): I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high. http://tfl.nu/l06x
  Replies (12) Good night (3549) Bad night (537)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?

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  (412): Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am? http://tfl.nu/j782
  Replies (7) Good night (1562) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag

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  (916): That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag http://tfl.nu/rjsr
  Replies (6) Good night (1337) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE

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  (563): Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE http://tfl.nu/qgoo
  Replies (6) Good night (1499) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.

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  (631): She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/p8fj
  Replies (21) Good night (4578) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.

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  (626): My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza. http://tfl.nu/x0uu
  Replies (7) Good night (687) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We don't really communicate like that.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Communicate like what?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.

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  (617): We don't really communicate like that. (781): Communicate like what? (617): Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants. http://tfl.nu/kuit
  Replies (3) Good night (1473) Bad night (401)