he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.