We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.