did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed