I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My bed smells like the plague
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
