That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
