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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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