the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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