I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
actually, I'm a sock model
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.