Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.