Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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