You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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