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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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