So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
