Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
