Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas