This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
