she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.