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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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