Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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