Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
smell my finger.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
