hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
