don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments