Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
