Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
