hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES