I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
