this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize