i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
