I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
