I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
