He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He better not be in your backpack
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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