It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?