I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
