i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
