Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.