he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
