i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.