I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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