wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
