Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker