but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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