I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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