Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.