i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
