I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this hospital has no fireball
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.