Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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