I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
