He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.