apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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