just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out