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They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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