Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend