I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?