pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
