On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?