I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.